It's a Bird, It's a Plane
by modalismodalism
Summary: Oneshot. Usagi-san is known to do strange things but this just takes the cake.


**A/N: Yay, another Junjou Romantica story. JR is seriously taking over my life right now.**

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Usami Akihiko is not a man of convention. He does things his own way with little regard of what other people think or how they feel. Most call him 'eccentric' or 'whimsical' or even 'idiosyncratic' but in the simplest of terms Usami Akihiko is batshit crazy. Misaki has known this for a while now, but really, things have just gone too far now.

The university student stands in the apartment doorway with his jaw practically touching the floor; several bags of groceries lay at his feet, dropped and forgotten. Misaki continues to stare in horror at the man before him, not daring to believe his eyes. He could almost understand Usagi-san's love of toys and he could put up with his random whims but this was too much, the straw that broke the camel's back.

"U-Usagi-san," Misaki begins, his voice shaky. The novelist looks up from his book, his face betraying nothing.

"Oh, you're home. Welcome back."

What the hell? How could act so normal? How the hell could he pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary?

"Usagi-san," Misaki starts again, voice lowered and eyes trained on the ground.

"Hm?"

Misaki's head suddenly shoots up with a look of righteous fury on his face.

"Why the hell are you wearing a cape you weirdo?!"

Usagi-san looks unperturbed by Misaki's sudden outburst. He looks down on each shoulder as if just remembering the black cape slung around them.

"Oh, you mean this cape." He points at one of his shoulders.

"Yes you idiot, that cape. Why the hell are you wearing it?" Misaki points accusingly. No one had a right to be this weird, not even Usagi-san.

"Ah yes you see, I just watched the most delightful American movie the other day. It was about this superhero dressed as a giant bat who fights evil clowns. Spectacular what those Americans can come up with, really inspiring."

Misaki's pretty sure he knows what Usagi-san's going to say next but he silently prays that he's wrong.

"And then," the novelist continues, "I decided that I too would like to be a superhero, so I got this cape."

Knew it.

Misaki inhales deeply and gets ready to tell the grey-haired man off about being childish and whatnot but then exhales without saying anything. He's learned by this point not to argue with Usagi-san, it was a lost cause.

"Whatever stupid rabbit. Just don't get me mixed up in your half-baked fantasies."

The boy picks up the groceries and makes his way to the kitchen while Usagi-san returns to his book. He unpacks the shopping bags, taking out onions, garlic, carrots, and chicken, placing each item on the kitchen counter; the soft rustling of paper can be heard in the background as Usagi-san turns pages in his book. As he begins to wash the carrots, Misaki's mind can't help but to wander back to the novelist and his cape.

What kind of superhero would Usagi-san be anyway? He didn't have any special skills besides writing and pissing people off. Maybe that was it. He could be Pissing-People-Off Man, the superhero that annoys his opponents until they were so frustrated that they finally gave in. Nah, he'd be killed within minutes.

What else could he be then? Misaki continues to ponder as he begins peeling garlic. Oh, he had it, Usagi-san could be Super-Terrible-Cook Man. He could use his cooking skills or lack thereof to poison evildoers to death. Then again, it wasn't like Usagi-san tried to be a horrible at cooking, he just was. Super-Terrible-Cook Man was out of the question as well.

Misaki begins to mince the onions into tiny cubes. He continues to rack his brain, unable to tear his mind away from Usagi-san and his cape. Perhaps the grey-haired novelist was destined to be a supervillain rather than a hero. He could be Misfortune Man, spreading his terrible luck and knack at making things go wrong everywhere. Misaki frowns at this idea, Usagi-san couldn't be a supervillain; if he was a bad guy how was he going to save Misaki when-

Hold on, where was he going with this? He did NOT just think about Usagi-san coming to his rescue like he was some kind of damsel in distress. The university student shivers at the thought.

'_Damn. He puts on a cape and now I'm thinking like some kind of lovesick maiden again. Stupid Usagi-san.'_

The 19-year old puts some water on the stove to boil and tries to focus again on the question at hand. What superhero would Usagi-san be? Misaki continues to think, what could Usagi-san do to fight crime? What superpowers could he use defeat others? There had to be something. Suddenly it comes to him. It was almost painfully obvious; if Usagi-san was a superhero he would be Molester Man of course! Groping and licking his opponent into submission, it was a perfect fit. Misaki begins to snicker at the idea until his thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a book closing, he looks up to see his lover staring at him.

"Misaki, come with me."

"What? No, I need to make dinner."

"Dinner can wait, come with me now."

Usagi-san walks over into the kitchen and grabs Misaki's arm.

"What the hell you bastard? Let go of me!"

The man doesn't listen and continues to drag the smaller boy out of the kitchen and up the stairs, black cape fluttering behind him.

"Usagi-san, let go. Where are you taking me?" Misaki continues to protest as he struggles in the man's frim grip on his forearm.

The grey-haired novelist stops and turns around to look his young lover in the eye, a slight smirk plays on his lips.

"To show you my superpowers."

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**A/N: As completely random as that was I hope you enjoyed it all the same. Please take a minute out of your day and leave a review, I'm interested to know what you think. **

**On a completely different note, for those of you familiar with One Piece, take another minute out of your day to go to and look at the title listed for episode 244 of One Piece, seeing that definately made my day.**


End file.
